


That one special person to annoy for the rest of my life

by artsies



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Marriage, Other, drunk snarky lovefool idiots, misuse of quotes pertaining to marriage, norsekink fill, prompt: married in Vegas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 09:38:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14305911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsies/pseuds/artsies
Summary: Tony and Loki end up drunk in Vegas - and married, to both their surpise. Loki turns out to be a devoted husband, as does Tony, so they stay that way.In secret.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in 2011 (gasp) for the following norsekink prompt, and is posted here for archival purposes:
> 
> Tony gets a sudden break from a business meeting while in Vegas and has a week of free time. He hasn't had a break in awhile and decides to take advantage of the situation. There he meets Loki who randomly snapped himself there and is curious about gambling, the shows, (and whatever else is in Vegas.) Tony being his generous self decides to teach Loki how to appreciate the city in style (it would be a crime to do otherwise). They end up drunk (Loki more so than Tony as he never was a big drinker, even in Asgard). They continue their tour and Loki spills his guts about how he always felt like an outcast and even now on Midgard has no friends. They continue drinking the night away. The next morning they discover matching rings on their fingers. It also can't be helped that Tony doesn't tell Loki about divorces. They agree to keep it a secret for as long as it is possible to keep Tony Stark/ Iron Man's marriage to the second prince of Asgard/ Supervillian under wraps. Bonus: Tony decides that if he married Loki while he was drunk he must really care and have a connection with him, otherwise he would have already gotten married by accident many times before. Super Bonus: Loki thinks marriage is forever like on Asgard and really tries to be a good spouse (he is completely loyal to whomever he is married to and spends all day thinking about making the relationship work.). Extra Super Bonus: How does everyone react when they discover the reason why Tony has been acting so strange lately.
> 
> That having been said, the universe is based on mostly the movies up to that point in time. (First Avengers movie, I think?)

**"Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance" [Jane Austen Pride and Prejudice]**

One late November Tony Stark (finally!) has a business meeting in Las Vegas and he damn well makes sure to go on a week long-vacation afterward. No business, no heroics, just plain old gamble-and-drink fun with all the prettiest ladies in town.

He rubs his hands together impatiently.

"Really, at least don't smile like a total dork." Pepper says to him with a small smile of her own (she is getting her own vacation with Happy). He laughs. It's sort of maniacal.

He decides to start at Ceasar's, (that's where he has his suite anyway), and is steadily losing his empire when he notices a familiar face. Or at least, he thinks its familiar. It's sort of hard deciding that without hair slicked back and sans leather asgardian get-up. But... is that Loki? Loki, for the sake of engineering? Studying a game of poker from the sides?

Alright. Well, this is just... Tony thinks about ignoring it. After all, he is not even sure if it's really Loki, and he promised himself that this would be his vacation; no Avengers-y stuff.

But… that's Loki at the poker table.

"Oh damn.", he huffs, leaving his roulette behind for some desperate players, "I just can't help myself, can I?"

He stops at his shoulder, putting on his cool voice (not that this is a pick-up or anything) and manages to keep himself from touching the well-dressed norse god.

"Hey, whaccha' doing here, sweetheart?"

Loki turns his head, eyes widening momentarily when he sees him, but plasters on an elegant smile for an answer.

"Ah, Mister Stark, fancy meeting you here. I am studying the midgardian concept of 'luck'."

Tony snorts with a smile.

"Sure you are. Played anything yet?"

Did he not know better, he would have said the asgardian prince blushed and even that it looked sort of cute; but he knows better.

"No." he answers quietly, burying his hands in his pockets.

"Flat out broke, huh?" Loki seems to twitch, but its gone by the time Tony puts his arm around his shoulders. "Well, don't worry. I am going to teach you everything there is about the concept of luck."

(Because, what better fun than to gamble and play with a god of tricks and mischief? It's going to be a great week!)  
\- - -

And it really was a great week. They played just about everything there is to play in Vegas (and mind you, Loki is a devil at poker; he shall never, ever play with him), went to a Cirque du Soleil and some other shows, hell, they even visited the Grand Canyon. Tony decides that were he not Ironman and Loki a villainous prankster of Thor's, they would be the greatest friends ever. (And the universe would fear their united diabolical mind - he is amazed that whether it's a prank or biological engineering, Loki and he are in sync . It happens often that he starts a thought and doesn't even need to say half of it because the other knows what he is talking about; gods, it's so amazing talking to someone of his own intellectual size.)

The night before leaving, they decide to drink, because this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship that now needs to end, and it deserves some vodka. In hindsight, they probably shouldn't have, as he makes his worst decisions like this, and it turns out that Loki has a very low tolerance for alcohol.

They sit in the quiet staircase, passing the bottle of vodka between them. Loki hiccups, leaning forward to hug his knees.

"Th-they… h-hate me." he says in a quivering voice that is suspiciously close to crying. "I-I should have just died, not landed… not landed in this place."

"Come on, Earth isn't that bad. At least, not Las Vegas." Tony says, managing not to slur. He puts a comforting hand on the alien's shoulder.

Loki looks up and his eyes are red, silent tears running down his cheeks; but he smiles at Tony, and it sort of takes his breath away.

"You are the only one, who… who has treated me well. T-Thank you." he sniffs, looking at his feet, and then the smile disappears. "Why don't they w-want me? I… I tried so hard. I just wanted to be… a good son. And I thought I was a good br-brother." 

He sways a little, bites his lips against the big fat tears that now escape, then buries his face in his arms with a loud sob. "Eeeeeeh,"(Tony swears that's sound he makes, )"Nobody will want to marry me. I'll die alone and miserable and unhaaaappy!"

"Don't say that. Why, I would marry you right now!" Tony slaps his own thigh, and okay, he is drunk too, he'll admit it, "In fact, I will!"

"Same-gender… marriage is not…" Loki mumbles, but it's too late to stop the great Tony Stark now; he trows the vodka against the wall, standing up with a little sway.

"Then we'll fly to New York!" he booms, and tries to drag up his spouse-to be, who just whines something along the lines of not wanting to fly because Thor does that.

He manages to get Loki standing, but he stumbles and lands in his arms; Tony decides its time to carry and get another bottle of vodka. Or bourbon. Or rum. Or something.


	2. Chapter 2

**Marriage is a hand grenade with the pin out. You hold your breath waiting for the explosion —Abraham Rothberg**

Tony awakes with an average hangover and a soft warmness at his side. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tries to recall the date, his social security number, and the number of drinks he had last night. (He is an engineer, numbers are good for him.)

Oh.

Oh, last night indeed. He jerks up his hand as though a thousand volts have ran through it; and sure enough, there it is, a wedding band sitting snugly on his ring finger. He looks to his side, eyes bugging out of his head.

Loki. He is in bed with Loki. Loki Odinson, who he has married last night. Loki, who… is a lady?

Ah, so that's how they got over the same-sex marriage issue. (For a moment, Tony curses the asgardian for being a shape-shifter, but then his mind trails to dirty avenues, and he has to stop himself from thinking that this marriage thing could actually be great, because he could sleep with just about anyone.)

He hears… his spouse groan into the pillow, apparently seriously hung-over. She turns over, and Tony watches in fascination how she becomes a he by the time he's on his other side. Gorgeous, he thinks.

But his spouse, non-the-less, which is quite freaky for commitment-phobic Ironman. Should he wake him up? Should he run to get a divorce? He scratches his head. Well, that would be on a whole new level of jerk, marrying him after he spills his heart out about being alone, and then dumping him the next day. He isn't sure he can do that.

Loki pulls the sheet over his head against the light.

Yes, he can't do that to him.

So… what now. He stares at the ring around his finger, noticing that it's not a cheap fling either. Apparently, his sense of style remains intact while drunk. His next thought is Thor. How would he react if he were to walk up to him and say: I married your little brother/sister in a drunken stupor last night. I hope you don't mind that there was no fancy asgardian wedding.

Yes, that seems like a sure way to get him killed, should he have a death wish. But he does not. (Not after that sex they had, he thinks with a slight blush when he notices the haphazardly thrown clothes.)

He drags his hand over his face.

"Oh boy. I am never drinking vodka again."

"Hnnn, don't shout. Oh, by the nine realms, my head.", Loki mumbles as he sits up, rubbing at his eyes. He looks at Tony in way that can only be described as looking out of his head in the hopes the world will make better sense.

Ironman can't help a mischievous half-smile.

"A bit hung-over, husband dearest?"

"Wha…", is how Loki starts, then looks at the hand Tony is holding up for him to see, then his own, and immediately pales. "Oh by Audhumla. We didn't."

"We did."

"Well, surely it's not-"

"Las Vegas marriage is totally legal."

Loki falls back on the mattress with a loud thump.

\- - -  
"Alright.", Loki says softly during breakfast, picking at his eggs. "I suppose you want to keep this a secret. Wouldn't do too good for your business if you were married to me."

"Well, I guess it wouldn't."

"So we will not be telling the Avengers either, especially not my brother, because I very much like you alive." (Tony wonders for a second what sort of family he just gained.)

"But… isn't that sort of bad for you?"

"You're my husband now. It is my duty to support you to the last of my breath." he replies solemnly, and with the way the soft light shines on his tousled black hair and alights his features, looking at Tony like he is the world now, he can't help but feel-

"What's going on here?"

Oh-oh. That's Pepper coming to work, right on time, finding him breakfasting with the norse god of mischief, who, by the way, is his husband. He feels a headache coming on.

"Ah, Loki, I'm sure you have heard of Pepper Potts, my personal assistant. Pepper, this is my… spouse, Loki… do you take up the husband's name?"

Loki blushes magnificently, and says, "Call me as you wish."

There is a moment of silence where Pepper stares at them - well, mostly him with the look that says 'what the hell have you done while I wasn't here, Tony', until the asgardian gets up and extends his hand.

"Pleasure to meet you, Ms. Potts. I have heard a great deal about you."

"All good, I hope." Pepper replies with cold courtesy, offering her hand; of course, she gets a soft kiss instead.

"But of course.", he says with a charming smile, "I admire your abilities and perseverance; Mr. Stark is lucky to have someone like you by his side."

Well, Silvertongue. At least he didn't marry one of the bimbos he always sleeps with, so he guesses that earns him some points with Pepper, who seems to be taking on the role of a mother-in-law Loki has to charm, albeit less angry and more suspicious now. (Tony wonders about the absurdity of his life; an alien ex-god, who he is married to now after a night in Vegas, trying to win the favor of his personal assistant - then decides he better not go there.)

"Would… would you two be so kind as to explain to me what happened?" Pepper says as she sits down, Loki actually pushing the chair for her (oh those bonus, bonus points), giving her employer a stinging look.

"Well, Las Vegas. Alcohol. Marriage."

"Please don't worry Ms. Potts, I will make sure to keep it a secret for as long as possible; I know it could do serious harm to Stark Industries if the news got out, especially with the way the stocks have been moving."

Pepper's eyes have a gleam that makes Tony just a bit afraid.

"Oh, you follow these things?"

"My brother's gifts are those of strength, courage and justice; mine are… more of the intellect.", Loki says over the brim of his teacup, "Now, I might not know as much about the world of business as you, my good Lady, but I grew up in a court; I know all there is to know about the power of image and gossip. His publicity has no need for a marriage, especially not to someone like me, which would be… scandalous, to put it mildly."

"No, it indeed does not. I am glad we are on the same page on this…" Pepper pauses, and they are all very not sure what to call Loki now, so she just finishes up with 'sir'., "What Stark Enterprises needs though, is him on time for his next board meeting, which he is not very good at. He is not very good at being on time or doing his job in general." Pepper says with a wary sigh, shuffling her papers for today's schedule; it seems the first wave of crisis has been averted.

"Oh, is that so?", his spouse says with an icy glare. "We'll just have to fix that then."

Tony can't help the loud gulp as he swallows his bacon. Attached to a car battery wasn't as much trouble for him as marrying Loki was, it seems.

(Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs. ~ Author Unknown)

\- - -

The first day of their marriage passes separately, Tony at meetings and a demonstration, Loki… hell, he has no idea what Loki does. Birds sing (oh wait, sun shines would be better because than it would be an alliteration), bees buzz, Loki lies? He does not even know how to reach him. Does Loki even want him to reach him? He seemed to take their holy matrimony rather seriously at breakfast - he supposes that's the asgardian way of life, or at least he imagines it as rather traditional (note to self, interrogate Thor later).

And what on Earth will he do then? He can't exactly move him into the Malibu villa, now Avengers HQ… but buying a house for him feels like keeping a mistress. (Tony slaps his forehead - is he taking this marriage seriously too?! No, no, he says as he smooths over his beard, he is simply not being a jerk. Not the same. Let things calm down a bit, then he'll talk about the divorce.)

(He wonders if asgardians know of divorce. He has a sinking feeling they don't.)

Anyway, he gets a new smartphone for his new cheese and kisses - one of their best models if he might say so himself - tinkers with it so it's better encrypted than the Pentagon itself, and saves his own phone number, so that his new alien husband might reach him whenever. (Just in case, he puts 'Jane Ladyfriend of Thor' and 'Pepper Potts' in too. Who knows.)

"So, how was your day dear?" Loki says in his ear, and Tony Stark all but has a heart attack, flailing around wildly, dropping the poor phone.

"Don't do that! Are you trying to kill me?! … ooh, I knew it! That was your evil plan, inheriting my company, you golddigger."

Loki picks up the phone from the ground with a snort, giving Tony a bemused look as a reward for his acting. He moves to hand it back, but Ironman shakes his head.

"That's for you, so that you can reach me anytime you want."

The alien frowns, examining the device in his hand, pushing buttons curiously.

"I can reach you anytime I want without this."

"Without teleporting. And this way I can also get a hold of you. Do you know how to-"

His television goes black and norse runes begin to jitter across his screen. Loki's eyes lit up with a mischievous grin as he sits down at the edge of his desk, but Tony snatches it out of his hands. Magic and science, goddamn you Thor, you could have said your brother is a hacker. Well, it did make sense if he thought about it; an alien race that is so developed they can travel across the universe at their will, could travel even when humanity was still in its cradle - and if the magical bifrost is the Einstein-Rosen bridge harnessed, well then a spellmaster is… nothing short of a genius.

Good lord of engineering, he is so turned on by that it's wrong.

"Hey!"

"No reconfiguring my systems. Or anyone else's. Okay, you can play with Hammer Industries. Okay, you can play with everyone else's too, just don't get people killed please." he says while standing up, and hears his stomach growl as he hands back the phone. He thinks about the consequences of taking the norse god of mischief out for a dinner - Pepper never believes he actually does, but yes, he does think before he acts -, then decides he won't care tonight about the paparazzi (not that he ever really does), and they have a load of things to talk over anyhow. (Like their marriage. And science.) "How about dinner?"

Loki smiles at him in a sort of soft way as he slips the phone into his pocket, and its rather endearing.

"As you wish."

\- - -


	3. Chapter 3

**"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short" [André Maurois Memories]**

They go to a very chic italian restaurant that has a private room Tony likes for it's atmosphere, and he knows they have good quality wine; he sees Loki beginning to shapeshift in the car, and he frowns.

"Don't do that. Just… be yourself. I am your husband." the words feel odd on his mouth, even though he tries to say it in a joking manner; they burn (like they are imprinting themselves onto him), and he wonders for the upteenth time that day what the hell should he do with them. Maybe he should just tell him about the divorce over dinner. Yes, a nice and easy let-down, hopefully, without too much hurt.

After all, it must seem pretty ridiculous for Loki too; a midgardian man was probably not on the top of the asgardian dream-spouse list. He'd be dead in a blink of an eye for him, but before that, old and shriveled - there is no reason for the trickster to want this. 

"Thank you.", his (temporary. Definitely temporary!) spouse says, dropping his gaze. He looks beautiful in the shifting lights as they drive, in the sort of androgynous way that comes with reversing the process - but Tony should really be looking at the road, and tears his eyes away.

Later, over soup and some delicious pasta, they talk about science (and a bit of everything else) instead of divorce or marriage. He guesses it's because they are both nervous, and are waiting for the wine to kick in at least a bit; Ironman tries to ask how his day was, but all Loki says is that he was nursing his hangover and he can't get him to say anything else for the life of him. (Which is a bit frustrating.)

(But anyhow, they manage to design an intergalactic phone, which is also pretty good for dinnertalk.)

Tony bites his lip when the dessert comes and he glances at his watch. They've been sitting here for hours. 

He has to admit he loves talking to him, and by the shine of Loki's eyes, he loves talking to Tony too. How can he say something like that then? That he wants this to end, for them to go back to their hero-villain roles, to never talk about robot-dogs and white-holes and how orange juice is absolutely the worst thing ever in the world. Oh god, he can't.

But it's not like commitment, he thinks. This is just… friendship in a marriage suit.

\- - -

Friendship in a marriage suit his ass. He needs to take off Loki's clothes right now, before he comes undone from kissing, which would be just a little too embarrassing.

\- - -  
It turns out Loki has a place of his own. 

Which he really should have thought he does, but he just never imagined the supervillain they've been fighting cooking eggs in a small bachelor apartment roof-studio. It's not even all hyper-designed black and green, more… sort of soft whites and other colors. Nothing too blaring, and Tony knows it's all probably second-hand, however tidy and carefully chosen. There isn't much, just the necessities for having a place to sleep (and plan schemes against the Avengers, he guesses with a laugh); but it's still filled with books, and he really likes that.

He looks into the small kitchen, and sees the norse god of mischief with his hair tied back into a miniature ponytail.

"What? What are you laughing at? I'll have you know you've got the worst case of bed-hair I've ever seen.", Loki huffs, and its all so natural, the way they jibe at each other throughout the morning, that he really, really can't bring himself to say 'divorce'.

It might be a grave mistake he will later regret - after all, an Avenger and a villain really shouldn't be married.

\- - -

A month or so passes. The Avengers don't question his disappearances into the night and returns in the morning; he suspects they are secretly glad he isn't bringing up random women anymore. Pepper also seems mightily satisfied with Loki's shenanigans: Hammer's firm seems to be suffering from strange accidents (equipment disappearing, electric malfunction, and even secret documents getting exposed on Wikileaks) and not only has Tony's work-play ratio tipped a little toward work, he ceases to be late - he tried to be once, but Loki pulled him in a portal and popped him out to be right on time where he was supposed to be. Damn. 

He does take the time though to research norse myths and bug Loki about which one is true and how. (He is rather shocked that the one about Sleipnir is, and drops the whole discussion for a couple of days.) Being married seems to mean to the asgardian that he must be honest; sure, it takes some prying, but Loki tells him childhood pranks and adventures, about his favorite things on Asgard, and then, one night about how he misses their Mother, about how dead he feels inside - 

\- he'd never thought he'd be holding him, of all people, in an embrace; it feels awkward first, in spite of all the previous sex, but then the world twists funnily and its not, it becomes natural - 

\- and Ironman in turn tells him about the cold ways of Howard Stark, about boarding school and MIT, and about how he has that thing in his chest (no Loki, please don't try to take it out, yes, it will kill me)…

… and about how life is worthy of living, despite everything. 

And thus settles in Tony Stark's holy matrimony. Which is weird on so many levels he cannot even begin to phantom, but mostly because he actually has no problems with it, and hell, Loki seems to be healing - and so non-villanous - too. 

Still, something nags at him.

\- - -


	4. Chapter 4

**A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. ~Grace Hansen**

After debriefing and an irksome battle with Dr. Doom, the Avengers get pizza and beer, and proceed to lounge about on the couch watching the news, occasionally commenting on it loudly. Tony decides to take this chance to get some info from Thor.

"You know, I would have thought that since you were the crown prince of Asgard and all," he says between two bites, "you'd be married already. Or have someone arranged. Or how does that work with your people?"

Thor smiles at him over his beer.

"Well, good friend, the arrangement of marriages in an old-custom; most families don't keep it. When we were young though, both Loki and I have been promised to others; I to good Sif, who later became a warrior and a good friend, but thus unfit for marriage and the bearing of royal heirs, and Loki…" Thor frowns, taking a sip of his drink, "Was to be wed to Lady Sigyn. I am afraid that she is most unlike the tales you have of her. It was a terrible heartache for brother, her resentment of him, and he has not courted another since to my knowledge."

Yes. To Thor"s knowledge. He feels a little bad for the big man. 

"But, to answer your question, my friend, an asgardian wedding is most delightful; that is, if the groom remains alive and in one piece. You see, the bride must be won in a fierce duel from her family, usually the eldest brother acting as her champion. It's been illegal to have it to the death for some time now, but we asgardians have a tendency to get carried away, of course. The main objective is to get in the house and take out the bride, preferably all the way back to one's own dwelling." 

Here Tony has a striking image of running along the rainbow-colored bifrost bridge with Loki on his back, who is yelling 'oh god run, he is coming, why is your house in Malibu'. He tries not to be too pale. Or laugh. Or cry.

"If this is done, then there is great celebration, with mead and food all around and many other small things taking place, with the couple taking their vows at the first rays of sun. It is then that she receives her belt from her husband, and he her dagger from her, with which she had slain the bull that was eaten. It's all very romantic. How about the good people of Midgard?"

"We just have vows and an exchange of rings." Tony mumbles as he takes another bite of pizza.

"Well, actually, it depends on your religion or where you are from." Bruce pipes in, and somehow the conversation gradually moves to the weirdest wedding ceremonies, the worst and best wedding ever, best husbands/wives ever, worst husbands/wives ever, making Ironman feel guilty that he left his friends out on his big day. Well, in his defense, it wasn't exactly planned or anything.

But they don't even know he is married.

He wonders if Loki has thoughts like this too.

\- - -

They are nearing their six-months anniversary. (Where the hell had the last six months gone?)

Some time back, he had decided that that roof studio simply will not do, and despite all of his little alien's protests, bought a beach-side villa. (Well, he wanted to buy one that has at least three bedrooms, a sauna and a pool, but Loki kept arguing that these are all unnecessary - how can a sauna be unnecessary, he will never understand, but he supposes Loki being a frost giant, it makes sense - and so they pick a rather simple one at the end of a road, looking out at the sandy beach.) Shopping for furniture without the paparazzi and the Avengers and Fury noticing was also a hassle but great fun too; his spouse insisted that they pick things together, despite it all.

Tony also took it upon himself to buy what can only be adequately described as a library for his trouble and strife, with great help from Pepper - who occasionally goes out shopping with Loki, much to her employer's amazement - and designed a very own home operating system he had named Mrs. Jeeves.

(Loki rolled his eyes at him, and proceeded to hack his way inside - little did he know Tony has designed it to keep him entertained by false paths and traps - which just led to hours of doing something completely different, because damn, it still turns him on when he sees him touching and manipulating his gadgets; and he swears that when he cries 'Anthony' in that breathless, quiet voice as he comes, something begins to burn in his chest, as though a button has been pressed for a so-far unused function.) 

So that't it. They have their own home now, and Tony is actually happy, except...

Except that despite their Darby and Joan-ish ways, the nagging feeling is still there, and not just that: it has amplified with the passing of each month. This isn't right, he thinks, covering in shadows. Feeling guilty every time Thor makes a comment of how his brother disappeared off the evil-radar, occasionally showing up for an annoying trick as though to show he is alive, and how he worries; feeling the burn of the ring tucked into his pocket when he ducks another bimbo throwing herself at him; feeling that Loki deserves better than this hiding...

... feeling that a midgard man is an ill-suited companion to someone like him anyway.

(Because this is keeping a lover, not a spouse.)

It hurts, this determination to divorce, because he is so happy otherwise - no, he'd be happy if Loki would be scrambling eggs here, in his Malibu villa; now is just a promise, a faint whisper that will forever haunt him. He takes out the hurt on his work, not coming around for a days, almost a week; Loki texts him endlessly without success, until he gets a whack from Pepper for being such an ass. He tells her.

(The sum which two married people owe to one another defies calculation. It is an infinite debt, which can only be discharged through eternity. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)

She tells him he's an idiot.

And that he should tell Thor.

\- - -


	5. Chapter 5

**A husband, like religion and medicine, must be taken with blind faith —Helen Rowland**

He decides to be completely honest with Loki, because hey, that's what spouses are supposed to do, right?

Loki looks at him with half-lidded green eyes, the look of cold, defensive puzzlement.

"Divorce? Breaking the tie of marriage? I… thought I was doing well, as your spouse.", he says, and Tony sees him grip at the edge of their sofa in fear and pain. He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose - he had not done well, explaining what he meant at all. So he gets on his knees in front of Loki (his god, he would laugh if his heart wasn't tearing apart from the sheer torture this was) and holds his hands in his.

"Yes, you were. You are amazing, both as a person and as a spouse, but… I can't possibly be who you want for yourself. Loki, I die before you've huffed twice. And I know it hurts you that they don't know, don't -" he says as that silvertongue flicks to answer, " - try to deny it, please. It shouldn't be that big of a thing, since we were not married asgardian style, right?"

He sees him bite a thin lip, looking away.

"… I'll think about it."


	6. Chapter 6

**Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. ~Author Unknown**

"Tony," says Steve one morning, and he looks up to see the rest of the Avengers gathered - including Thor - looking at him sitting at his bar in yesterday's suit, one hand still around the bottle of vodka though he fell asleep, "What's wrong with you? You've been… so down for days now."

Ironman really wishes he could say 'I'm divorcing Loki and it's killing me', but he can't, and decides to drop his head back without an answer onto his arm, turning away. He forgets he placed the ring on the bar last night, and is too late turning around when Natasha picks it up and says:

"Martial problems, if I were to guess.", in that cold manner of hers, handing the ring to Steve, the others craning their necks in disbelief.

"Give that back.", he says, maybe a bit too defensively, but Thor fixes him to his chair with a single icy look. He tries to tell himself that Thor can't read minds, that he does not know anything about Loki… unless his spouse decided to tell how badly he was being treated, in which case, he is a dead man.

"Is this really yours? But, who is she? And why didn't you say anything?" Steve says in wonder, perhaps a bit of hurt.

"Come on guys, it is not our business who he marries. We might be comrades, but that's really a private thing." (Thank the lord of engineering for Bruce, and Natasha who nods - she probably couldn't care less.)

"Tony Stark, this is most offensive of you, my friend; I would have thought that our comradeship and friendship warranted at least the good news, if not the celebrities."

"He has told you nothing, for I asked him to, brother." says Loki in his quiet, gentle voice, standing a bit back from the group of heros.

And now he is a dead man. (Though he must admit the look on his friends' faces as they turn around is rather priceless, and would he be fearing less for his physical well-being and not feeling like something nasty on the bottom of a shoe, he'd laugh at the sight.)

"What?!", Thor says, whirling back and forth between the two of them, "What?! You married… when? And why did you not inform me?!"

"Oh please, just because you are a crown-prince, not everything is your business, Thor. I am more than of legal age to marry." Loki says with a roll of his eyes and crosses his arms, and Ironman can see a brotherly yelling match coming which is really, really not helping the situation. He decides to try and explain the whole story instead, and moves to stand.

Suddenly, Tony has a scary looking asgardian big brother looming over him.

"Did you elope with my brother and soil his honor, Stark?"

Where he not kidnapped, car-batteried and faced numerous threats before, he just might have soiled himself (instead of Loki's honor).

"That's… not exactly what happened. I mean, it was legal and everything, it just so happened that… it was improvised and… without much ado."

"Improvised?", Thor grits between his teeth, and the running-on-the-bifrost-bridge scenario is crystal clear before his eyes, "Are you implying he isn't worthy of a royal bride price?"

"What…? Bride price?"

Thor grabs his hammer.

The yells of 'Of course he is worthy of a bride price!', 'Don't you dare, brother!' and a couple of 'Stop, Thor!'-s make so much noise, that Pepper actually runs in from the front door.

"What's going on?"

"He hath eloped with my little sibling, the dog, and without bride price, and morning-gift too, surely!"

"Well, he had not received any dowry from me either!" Loki snaps at him, and this at least makes the blond put down his weapon, which in turn lets Steve move away from covering his millionaire friend (which in turn grants Tony some air to breathe). " And I have a splendid morning gift, if you must know. Not that there is any reason for you to care; I am but a Jotunn."

"You are my brother, and a child of the throne.", Thor says softly, "Do not speak nonsense; empires could not be enough for your bride-price."

Loki seems to think about this, eyes shifting sideways to the ground. Quiet settles in the room until he speaks again in that quiet, gentle voice of his that Tony loves.

"It was my fault, and I had asked to keep it a secret, especially from you, brother. He's been most kind to me, and complied with my wishes, even when it hurt him to remain silent; really, he has pampered me these last six months."

"SIX months?!"

Oh boy. He needs another shot of vodka.

\- - -

"I want you to know that I forgive you, Tony Stark." Thor says a week or so later, after a bizarre case of evil has been defeated and Ironman is making coffee so that he can stay awake at his board meeting. "You are a good husband to my brother, and sought only to make him happy."

"Yes. That's why he should be leaving me."

"What? What nonsense is that, my friend?"

Tony stops in his search for sugar - it's his kitchen dammit, why do his stuff keep reorganizing themselves - and clears his throat so his voice won't shake. (Because this is manly man Thor after all, and at the moment, still his brother-in-law.)

"You live so much longer; it seems pointless hurt for him."

Thor gives him a sort of patronizing look, putting a hand on his shoulder as he lifts the sugar from a place Tony would have never thought to look.

"Marriage is gift between two kindred souls, eternal in that time, place and age do not matter to it; it is a fated connection."

(le fin)


	7. Chapter 7

(Epilogue)

**If two stand shoulder to shoulder against the gods,  
Happy together, the gods themselves are helpless   
Against them while they stand so.~Maxwell Anderson**

Tony hears the clang of his suit and the beating of his heart in his ears as he runs across the damn rainbow bridge; Loki keeps whirling around on his back to look for signs of Thor.

"I think that trap of yours worked." he says to him in a still sort of panicky voice, hands tightening their hold.

"Let's hope he falls for your clones too. Where do you think…. where will we land?"

"New Mexico."

Tony supresses a scream of rage.

"Why is my house in Malibu?!"


End file.
